I have 2 weeks to go until my due date, and everyone (random people in the street / at work) keeps asking me if I’m excited.
To be honest…No!
It’s hard to sum up to someone in one sentence how I feel. My emotions are all over the place but the over-riding one has to be TERRIFIED!
The only analogy I can think of is waiting for orders to go over the frontline trenches in WW1. Ok, so my chances of dying are somewhat lower, but just like those soldiers I know that at some point in the near future I will be in incredible pain. I have no choice about it and I have no idea when it will be.
I don’t think that anyone who gets pregnant considers how painful it is to go through the suspense of giving birth. If I’m not distracted by work, or conversations about something else then I am thinking about the inevitable pain I will be suffering soon. Instead of finding my baby’s kicks cute, I am getting worried about how big he is getting, and secretly hoping that he will be just a little bit premature. I think I have Pre-traumatic stress disorder. If that exists. I’m not coping very well.
Suspense is an awful feeling. I know that I am going to be in pain soon. I have even seen the room where it will happen. The painful, giving birth experience is 100% inevitable. I also know that my life is never going to be the same again. Ever!! This experience is 100% irreversible.
The only thing I don’t know is when. Arrrrrrrghhhh!
I wish I had never seen ‘One Born Every Minute’ so that I could have stayed in ignorant bliss that childbirth was beautiful and amazing and the very epitome of womanhood.
So to all those people that ask: “Are you excited?” The answer is No!! I have a loaded gun pointed to my nether regions and I have no idea when it will go off! So please stop reminding me about it!