0620 : I wake up and cough a bit until Mummy takes me to her bed. She says it’s too early to get up but she hasn’t given me a clock yet so how would I know?! I wake her up by slapping her in the face, kicking a bit, munching on her arm and singing loudly.
0700 : Daddy takes me for nappy changing and creams then breakfast. Yum yum!! Daddy is my favourite parent. I give him my best smiles and eat very tidily for him.
0720 : Mummy decides to finally roll out of bed and watches me munch on a spoon. Daddy has made her breakfast. (Lucky mummy!!)
0740 : My favourite parent leaves! He waves at me as he walks away to work. Then I do some science investigating the material properties of glass. It’s cold, hard and when you try to eat it it goes all slimy.
0800 : Mummy needs my help to shower. She is rather clingy so I have to accompany her everywhere. I tried to take photos of mummy in the shower but she took the phone off me and took one of me instead.
0820 : Mummy got dressed. I played with a new toy I found on the bed.
0830 : My favourite friend came round!! Omg I love him soooo much! He is so cool, he does the same as me. We’re like twins.
0840 : Time for more creams. Grrr. Mummy tries to distract me with toys but I’m no fool. I scream while mummy dresses me. I want my favourite parent back.
0850 : I’m learning how to clean my teeth. I’ve watched mummy do it and it’s not hard. I think you just chew the bristly end and suck on it lots.
0855 : OMG OMG OMG JUMPEROOoooooooo!! Jump jump jump! Mummy is my new favourite parent!
0910 : I’m not really sure what’s going on. Mummy was clattering in the kitchen clearing up then this song came on and she just went a bit crazy. I’m now old enough to know when someone isn’t acting normal and I can find it funny. Although mum needs some better taste in music.
0920 : Not only is mummy too scared to go anywhere without me, she also needs help with her chores. Lucky for her I am pretty amazing at doing the washing.
0930 : Mummy operated on Ewan my dream sheep while I had a bottle of milk.
0935 : ZZZzzzzzzzzzzz
1100 : I wake up and decide to be ultra grizzly for the next half hour until we leave the house. Sometimes you just gotta complain to these people until they get the message.
1110 : Mummy asks me why my eczema is so bad today. Is it something I ate? Is it the clean bed sheets? Is something that I’ve come across making me itch? She won’t let up then exasperatedly gives me a dose of Piriton.
1155 : Mummy has taken me somewhere strange. There are other babies here and I am so happy when I see them! I gave a massive smile and started chatting to an older boy but he didn’t respond. Boring boy. Then a man says ‘Welcome to Monkey Music’ and we meet my new friend Monkey. He is my favourite monkey ever and I am so excited! I jump up and down when I get to shake his hand and have a cuddle.
We do some music stuff then BUBBLES!! OMG BUbbles!!! Monkey is my new favourite parent. I watch the bubbles and try and catch them and I keep watching all the way through the goodbye song until I’m looking at the last one on the other side of the room. I love monkey music!
1230 : Mummy’s genius plan this lunch time is to have lunch in the car. Her less genius idea is to sit me on a seat instead of the car seat so I can get my mucky hands everywhere! Teehee
1310 : We arrive in Town and I have a surprise treat from Mummy. She gives me daddy’s beer money to add to my bank account. Turns out my milk is a lot more expensive than daddy’s. £30 for one small pot! Mummy days it’s lucky we get it on the NHS or I would be on beer like daddy.
1345 : We stop to look at the ducks. Ducks are my favourite parent! They make me laugh! Mummy says she has never seen ducks burrow in dead leaves before. Then she sees a rat and decides it’s time to move on.
1400 : Mummy mucked up. I’ve had Piriton which makes me drowsy and it’s almost nap time. Am I in bed? Nope! Meany mummy makes me sleep in my pram.
1435 : After being made to sleep in my pram, then being taken out of it and put in my car seat, then being taken out of that and put in bed, I am pretty annoyed. If mummy wants me to sleep she should stop moving me! And now I’m home so I’m going to wiggle and squirm and play rather than sleep.
1510 : Mummy eventually comes to her senses and gives up. She brings me a basket of Treasure! I get to investigate and I’ve found that almost everything is good for slobbering on,
but some things are better for biting than others. I like the harder things. Fabrics are for wimps.
1600 : Woweeeeeeeee!! Mummy shows me a toy she got (for a bargain £1.50) for me! Mummy is my favourite parent!!
1630 : DADDEEEEEeEee!!! My favourite! As soon as I hear the door open I get excited. Then I heard his voice and tried to crawl to see him. Daddy is the best! He is my favourite parent!
1700 : Daddy has work to do so can’t play with me. I wanted to tell him all about his beer money that is going to buy me milk! Mummy tries to distract me with melon but it doesn’t wo……ooo melon! Om nom nom yum!
1730 : Daddy is less clingy than mummy. He doesn’t need me around all the time. But occasionally he needs my help with his work. Especially when the client is a toy store!
1800 : Mummy takes me away because it’s training time. Apparently she has a big bet on me winning the NCT crawling race. And I can’t crawl yet. I try really hard but one thing I lack is perseverance (I take after mummy). Basically I’m lazy. And I know that if I just cry and lie down here then mummy will pick me up anyway.
1830 : The rest of the evening was busy. I helped with another load of washing, played a bit more, had dinner with my favourite parents and a bath, creams, then bed where I immediately zonked out with no crying at all. It was such a busy time that my photographer slacked off.
2000 : As I fall asleep I think about the busy day I’ve had. It’s a hard life being a baby! Mummy thinks she has it hard doing chores. Daddy thinks he has it hard working for his boss. But I have to look after the both of them, help them with their work and get used to this world! It’s a lot for me. Right, better sleep. I have to wake up again in a few hours to check mummy is still alive and soon it will be morning and time to do it all again!